The problem with putting others first; you've taught them you come second

"When people make you feel unwanted, don't leave to make them feel sad or guilty, they won't. Leave because you no longer have a reason to stay. Sometimes you have to be strong for yourself. What's meant to be will end up good and what's not - won't. Love is worth fighting for, but sometimes you can't be the only one fighting. At times, people need to fight for you. If they don't you just have to move on and realize what you gave them was more than they were willing to give you and more than they deserve." Anonymous


Some of you may be reading this blog and saying ok well boo hoo! Your ex-husband was a bad guy who left you for another woman. It happens, life goes on and you move forward. I am not writing this to let people know the kind of person my ex was to make me look good or whatever you want to call it. This is something that I hope helps other people be able to see that they are not alone! I have never wanted to crawl in a hole and just be done in my life.


As mad as I am at my ex-husband and all the things he did to me. I should thank him. Thank him for letting me go, he was not worthy of the love, compassion, or even the time he was given. Sometimes you have to stop and tell yourself that maybe this was for the best. Maybe there is someone out there who is going to make feel love like you never have before. There is another person that I should thank as I am writing this thank you to my ex. The other woman! It does not feel right thanking him without her. If not for her, this marriage may have ended another way or just been a marriage between two unhappy people.


When the reality of what was going on hit me, I found a letter that a woman wrote to the other woman. I wish I could remember who wrote it, if I do I will share the link. One of the reasons I loved her letter was that in all this heartbreak and sadness, she found a way to say thank you. One of the most profound things I read that she wrote was "Thank you for giving me a chance at another first kiss" isn't that something! Maybe I should have turned to God sooner for all of this anger and frustration. Maybe I should have been brought to my knees in prayer, but the truth is I didn't.


I was angry with God for a long time. How could he let this happen to me. First my marriage ending, my mother being diagnosed with cancer? How could I give praise to someone who would let this happen? Asking the wrong questions and not praying. Then like a lightbulb it went off in me. LET GO AND LET GOD!

When It All Falls Down

When I was a little girl there has always been the preconception of how my life would be. Be married with two or three kids, a house. The whole nine yards right? Not so much. My marriage didn't start out the normal way and sure as heck did not end the normal way. One of the things I look back on was there were all the signs there pointing to disaster. Did I just choose not to see the writing on the walls? Who knows and maybe it was all in God's plan. God wants you to glorify him even in the midst of tragedy. Knowing that he will help you with the outcome of it all. My faith has been shaken and broken in a way that I never thought I would or could get back to him. Turning away from God instead of to him.

Have you ever gotten news that brought you to your knees. I mean knocks the air out of your lungs. Not being able to breath or speak. Eyes tearing up that makes the whole world look like a blur. That is exactly how I felt when I got the news of my then husbands infidelity. He was in the military at the time and had to go away for business. Thinking back now I can't even remember what it was for, all I know was that he was gone for a month and half. He missed Halloween that year with us, but he what was the difference he was always missing events or holidays due to his job. You just learn that is life with the military. I remember being so proud of him and all his accomplishments, when all along he was going behind my back. I got a text while I was at work from a number that I didn't recognize. It asked if I wanted to go to the first doctor appointment. At first I thought they were confused, then I text my husband and asked if he knew what it was about. Shortly after I received a text from my husband asking if I could take the rest of the day as a personal day.

I remember pulling into the drive and thinking this can't be true. It's some horrible joke someone is playing on me. Not my husband, not the person I have tried to help support with his career, multiple deployments, being by myself and raising our son. He was distraught pacing back and forth in the living room. When I looked at him I saw it in his eyes. There was no going back, then he told me the dreaded truth. He had cheated on me. Not just physical with one woman, no he also fell in love with another woman. Wasn't sure if our marriage was worth fighting for. My world was shattered and came crashing down around me. How was I to forgive? How was I to let go of what he did? Why would God let something like this happen to me? Then I got the phone call a few days later. My mother was diagnosed with stage three ovarian cancer. I told you bad things come in three's.

I want to hear from you guys. Have you ever had something happen to you that you didn't know how to handle? How you were going to come out of it?

https://www.gofundme.com/7396t-fighting-cancer

Please see the link also for my mothers GoFundMe account! I will get into her cancer situation and what is going on with her later on!



A little about me!

Well I finally did it. I decided to start blogging about my life. Not sure if anyone will be interested but oh well here goes! My name is Lindsay Bertsch, my maiden name is Mason. I am a divorcee and single mom. Thankfully we only had one child together and I thank God everyday for my little boy! One of the reasons I wanted to start this blog was to share my story and my journey that I have set out on! There have been so many things that have hit me at once the past two to three years, It seems like my head is still spinning. So where do we go from here? Well I'll tell you.


Nine years ago I met and basically married my ex-husband. Why I say met and married you ask! Well we met and thought it was love at first sight, then twenty three days later we were married. He was finishing up all his basic training and getting orders when we met. So the orders came in that we were to be stationed in Germany. Right after our wedding he went to Germany first to get everything set up and get orders for me to follow. Military spouses know that nothing is for sure or planned in a way when it comes to this. He ended up getting deployed to Iraq right after he landed in Germany, and from there I learned that hurry up and wait was a motto I would be hearing for quite some time! Who knew!!


I think from the beginning God was trying to tell me something. Not sure what it was at that time I was blissfully happy with my new life. Seeing the world through rose colored glasses was great. Not seeing all the red flags or listening to my gut and head, but being lead by what I thought was my heart. Not realizing that once someone breaks that trust and your heart do you ever really get over it? Or does that gut wrenching feeling of wanting to be right, wanting to see the good in someone override all logic? Well in my case I was an idiot. Did not trust God or trust my instincts and that has all landed me to where I am today. Writing about what happened to me and hopefully reaching out to someone out there.

My whole world right here!